Protecting to the Point of Pushing Away
by XxStephXx
Summary: He loves her, She loves him. She's keeping a secret, they split up. But the secrets out, can they work it out? LJ Fluffiness
1. Chapter 1

I Miss you 

Lily watched as the prefects filed out of the prefect common room after the meeting. Lily was Head Girl, with James Potter as Head Boy. Lily had hated James for years, but then at the start of their seventh year she had noticed something different about him. They had started to see each other in secret in October, it was now May a few weeks before graduation and they had split up.

Lily watched helplessly as the man she loved just walked out of the hall after the prefects without even looking at her.

"James, wait," she suddenly shouted.

James stopped and turned round to face her, not quite looking at her face. Lily half ran over to him.

"I miss you," she said simply.

"I miss you too Lils, but there something you're not telling me and I know it's something big by the way you were acting."

"It's not someone else, I wasn't cheating"

"Then what? What is it that you won't tell me?"

"I can't, you'll hate me for it…"

"I won't hate you, please just tell me… it can't be that bad, if you weren't seeing someone else," said James, he was desperate to make up with Lily, especially with graduation looming and the prospect of never seeing her again. But he wasn't an idiot something had been eating her up for months, and it was coming between them. He hadn't meant for them to split up that was the last thing he wanted, but if Lily couldn't trust him with this big secret, what chance did their relationship have of surviving outside the castle.

"I can't, I just need a few more days to sort my head out, and find out… then decide and… I'm sorry," babbled Lily.

"Let me help you, I love you, I'll do anything I can to help you"

"You can't… I don't want to p…"

"Fine Lily, you don't want my help fine…" said James getting annoyed, he turned to walk away again.

"I love you," said Lily, James could tell by her voice that she was crying.

"I love you too," he said without turning round.

"Then don't…"

He turned round and took a step towards her so that they were almost touching.

"I don't want to, but if you can't trust me then I have to, it would happen sooner or later. I thought we were stronger than this," he said softly, then he wiped away her tears gently with his thumb. "Please don't cry, I hate seeing you hurting"

"But…"

"No buts," said James pulling away from her again, "if you do change your mind, you know where I am"

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Lily was in her bathroom, she and James had their own bathroom (sort of like the prefect bathroom, but for the head students), and Common Room. She was awaiting the results of her pregnancy test.

That had been what was eating her up inside, she hadn't had a period in almost 3 months. She had been too afraid to do the test before, but she had lost James for good now so what was the worst that could happen.

If it was negative, it would make things easier. But she knew it would be positive, she couldn't explain it she just knew. But she couldn't tell James, she didn't want to trap him, she didn't want to put him through what she was going through. She was only 18, she wasn't ready for a baby, and the war could she really bring a child into world in the state it was currently in? But could she kill her own baby, James' baby.

Time was up, Lily looked down at the white stick in her hands. POSITIVE. Not knowing what to do or feel, Lily burst into tears.

"Oh shit, sorry," said James, who had just walked in and walked back out.

Lily quickly wiped her eyes.

"Lily are you okay?" James shouted from the other side of the door, he had seen her crying.

"Uh yeah I'm fine," said Lily getting up and washing her face, without thinking she quickly threw the test in the pink wastebasket, the pink one was hers, the blue one James'. "I'll be out in a minute"

"Okay. Are you sure you're alright, I thought I heard you crying?"

"I'm fine," said Lily inspecting herself in the mirror, after a few charms you couldn't even tell she had been crying.

"Lily, what is it?"

"Nothing, and you're out of it right? You don't care," said Lily sadly more than angrily.

"I do care, you know that"

"If you did, you wouldn't have left me alone to cope"

"Lily you wouldn't tell me," said James putting his hands on her shoulders

"Yeah and I was right," said Lily pushing him away.

"Lily, I'm really bursting. Can you wait down in the common room, I want to talk"

"I'm done talking," said Lily.

"Lils"

"No, James just leave me alone"

"Fine Lily," said James sadly as he went into the bathroom.

Lily went down stairs and started to gather up her homework, just as she was about to walk out of the portrait hole, when James ran down the stairs.

"LILY, DON'T YOU DARE WALK OUT?" he shouted to her.

"What?" she said, so surprised she dropped her books.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" he shouted holding the pregnancy test up.

"You went through my trash," Lily shouted.

"That is not the point, are you pregnant?"

"Obviously. Come on, you can read"

"Is it mine?"

"No it's Slughorn's," said Lily sarcastically.

"Lily, I'm not joking around"

"Yes, it's yours, but don't worry it's not your problem"

"Not my problem, you're having my baby. You had no right to keep this from me"

"I had every right, it's my body and it has nothing to do with you"

"You don't think?"

"No I don't"

"We'll see," said James as glared at Lily and stomped out.

As the portrait swung behind him, James leaned against the wall for support. He hadn't meant to shout at her, he just couldn't see why she wouldn't tell him. Was this what was bugging her, what she wouldn't tell him? Why would he hate her for being pregnant?

Just then he heard something crash inside the Common Room. He shouted the password at ran back into the Common Room. He found Lily crouched on the floor next to the sofa sobbing.

"Don't cry, I'm sorry I never meant to shout at you," he said frantically as he went over to her and tried to put his arms around her.

"No," Lily managed to say as she pushed him away.

"I'm sorry, I know you're scared but please let me help," he said.

"James you don't have to," said Lily standing up and wiping the tears away, "This isn't your fault, I'll take care of it, it won't be a problem"

"You mean have an abortion?"

"Yes, I mean come on, I'm 18 I can't be a mother I'm not ready. And I don't to bring a child into the world with this war, it's not fair on them," she said, not quite looking him in the eye.

"You can't, you have to think about this"

"I have, I've done nothing but think about it. This is the right thing to do"

"But… don't I have a say?"

"You're 18, you can't be a father, and if you're going to be stupid enough to say that we can do it, then no you don't have a say," said Lily.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why put you through the agony of knowing?"

"Because it's my baby too"

"Not for long. Anyway isn't tonight the full moon? It's almost dark, you should go to the shrieking shack"

"This is more important"

"It can wait, there's nothing left to discuss. Remus needs you, Peter and Sirius can't control a fully grown wolf on their own, they need you more than I do"

"Okay," said James numbly as he walked out again and made his way to the shrieking shack.


	2. Chapter 2

A Happy Ending 

Lily was in the Gryffindor Common Room, late that night (well early morning), tidying away her books when James, Sirius and Peter walked in.

"Alright Evans?" said Sirius.

"Fine and you Black?"

"No complaints. Night"

"Night," said Lily, and she continued to gather her belongings.

"You haven't done anything have you? Not yet?" said James.

Lily twirled round and saw that Sirius and Peter had gone upstairs. James was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands.

"Shhhh they're going to hear," hissed Lily.

"I don't care, I never wanted us to be a secret," said James, "Have you?"

"No it's only been a few hours, I haven't had a chance to even make the appointment yet," said Lily quietly.

"Good, don't do it"

"James, we've talked about this… it's the right thing to do," said Lily wearily.

"No we didn't talk, you talked. Now it's my turn"

"James don't, this is hard enough all ready"

"No, you have to listen to this, you owe me that at least"

"Alright then, but you won't change my mind"

"Do you love me?" asked James.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything. Do you?"

"Yes, I love you"

"How much?"

"What the hell? This better not be, if you love me you'll have my baby, because it isn't a good enough reason to bring a child into the world."

"It's not, well not really. Yes I want us to keep the baby…"

"But…"

"Yeah I know, the war, we're so young and they are good points. But we love each other… I love you with all my heart, I didn't think I could ever feel that sort of love for anyone, but the thought of that little baby, it's the only thing that could ever compare to how I feel for you," said James pulling Lily down next to him on the stairs.

"This doesn't change how I feel, we can have kids one day, after the war when we're older and are ready to be parents"

"You don't know it won't change how we feel. Knowing that you killed our little baby, and you I know the guilt would eat you up inside…"

"Blackmail, James have this baby or you'll leave me"

"Not blackmail, I just want to talk things through. I'm not going to threaten you, or beg well not yet anyway.

"I don't see what there is to talk about, I can't…"

"If you want to, you can keep the baby, you won't be on your own. I will always be here for you"

"You don't know that, you don't know that you'll always be around"

"I wouldn't leave you or the baby, I swear," said James desperately.

"You say that now, but in a few years…"

"I love you, I'll always love you"

"That could change, we're so young and we don't know how we'll feel in the future and the stress of being young parents… I don't think we'll be able…"

"Why do you always doubt us? Even right at the start, you wanted to keep us a secret because you weren't sure you could trust me not to hurt you…"

"I do trust you…"

"You trust me now, and you keep the baby a secret, were you ever going to tell me about it, if you had the abortion?"

"I don't know… yes I would have told you"

"When?"

"I don't know"

"Then this afternoon, why didn't you wait until after you got rid of the baby to talk to me?"

"Because I missed you, I miss you so much. I just couldn't…"

"You wanted me to know, you want me to talk you out of it"

"That's ridiculous. I didn't want to put you through this, I wanted to protect you from it," said Lily.

"Don't, it's my job to protect you"

"Sexist pig," said Lily immaturely.

"You might be right about that," James laughed softly, "but I wouldn't keep something like this from you"

"I'm sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing"

"Subconsciously I think, you wanted me to know. That's why you spoke to me before you did anything, and why you left the test where I could find it"

"I really didn't mean for you to find it"

"But I did," said James standing up, "and I don't think you want to kill our little baby"

"It's for the best," said Lily standing up.

"It's not, why would killing our baby ever be best," said James as he gently placed his hand on her stomach, "I love that little thing in there, almost as much as I love you"

"James don't," said Lily emotionally.

"I'm going to bed now, and we'll talk tomorrow morning," he said, "think about it, about the little life growing inside you, part of both us, what our love made"

"Okay," said Lily numbly.

"I'll see you, tomorrow," he said and then he pressed a kiss to her forehead and went upstairs.

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Lily had spent most of the night up thinking about what James had said. She had meant to tell James her decision , but she had fallen asleep.

By the time Lily had made it down to the Great Hall everyone was leaving. She looked round frantically for James. She turned and saw him looking right at her, through the crowds of people. She just smiled, and nodded. James face immediately broke into a huge grin, and pushed his way through the crowds of people to her.

"You mean it?" he asked.

"Yeah, lets have this baby," she said.

"Yessssss," he whooped as he lifted her off her feet and twirled her round.

"Anyone could see us, in fact everyone is looking at us," Lily whispered into his ear, "lets give them something to look at," then she kissed him right there in the middle of the Hall.

"I knew you couldn't have done it," said James as they broke away.

"Prongs FINALLY got the girl," Sirius shouted from somewhere in the hall.


End file.
